Posted on June 8, 2017

We accurately remember only 20 percent of what we hear, and remember only 30 percent of what we see and hear. However, we can recall 70 percent of what WE say and write down, and 90 percent of what WE say and what WE participate in exploring after we have heard it from someone else.

This is another way of saying that we misunderstand people all the time, and they misunderstand us right back, unless we make a concerted effort to minimize misunderstandings.

As humans, we are very biased in our first impression of others. Psychologists call this bias “primary effect”, where in essence, our brains are designed to make quick assessments which then help us to determine if we are safe and therefore what to do next.

As we age and become more educated, we add more layers and complexities to this process. As dentists, and dental team members, we like to add: “They are not a cooperative person”. “They don’t know which end of a toothbrush to use”. “They never follow my directions.” “They have a low dental IQ!”

But in truth, upon first meeting someone, we know far too little about the them to draw many accurate conclusions. And we have all experienced this, as the best dressed person with the finest car, can sometimes be the most difficult to work with – and completely unreliable. Conversely, the fellow with the beat-up pickup truck and dirty work boots can be so reliable and good-for-his-word, that you can plan your whole day around him right down to the last minute.

Our minds naturally want to make quick assessments of others, and then find ways to think which are consistent with what we already believe about them.

Then, laid on top of this is our tendency to use our positional authority figure power to leverage an outcome WE desire.

And perhaps worse, we confuse this leveraging with leadership, when in truth it is a subtle form of manipulation, and when successful at gaining compliance often creates co-dependency relationships which then bare bad fruit later on down the road.

So how do we get around our natural tendency to misunderstand others and consequently, trip ourselves up and undermine our well-intended purpose?

Bob Barkley answered that question fifty years ago. He told us that to build successful relationships which render out problem ownership, compliance, and ultimately a higher degree of health, we must create an experiential learning environment for our new patients, one in which they can experience the meaning of what they are learning (co-discovery), and then participate in planning for a more preferred future (co-diagnosis / co-planning).

And in so doing, we hit the 90% retention rate, and when that true and transformational knowledge matches up with their values and priorities, we hear the word “YES!”

Paul A Henny, DDS

Thought Experiments LLC, ©2016

Read more at: www.codiscovery.com

Posted on March 15, 2017

Got memories? We all have them stored deeply by the truck load.

And what about our favorite memories? Our child’s first bike ride? That amazing trip to the Grand Canyon? Our critical role in winning the championship game? The truth is that these events did not happen exactly the way we remember them.

In fact, if we truly cherish our memories, we need to stop thinking about them because they will never be the same again if we do.

Obviously, that is both undesirable and impossible, but I say this to make the point that our brains constantly betray us by transforming our memories every time we recall them.

According to a recent study in the Journal of Neuroscience, our emotions color our experience -and therefore our memory- the very first time AS WELL AS each time we recall it. Every time we take a memory out of your personal data base, it is saved someplace else in our brain in a slightly altered state based on how we are feeling at the moment.

Consider the implications of this in dentistry. Some of our new patients report horrific stories of trauma associated with their past treatment. Personally, I have heard a story similar to “the dentist stood on my chest with both feet trying to get my tooth out” about 20 times now.

Of course, this never happened to these patients exactly as described, but to them it is absolutely real, ( and in this case) represents a recurring existential threat to this day.

Which leads me to my final point. Our patients have memories and stories about which we must listen carefully -without judgment – regardless of how unlikely this may represent the truth.

Why?

Because WHAT REALLY MATTERS IS WHAT THESE MEMORIES MEAN TO THE PATIENT TODAY, as it is this meaning which will potentially drive future behavior if it is not superseded by a more accurate and relevant experience.

If the meaning fully blocks their openness to experiencing something new, comfortable, predictable, and safe, as well as something which helps them grow past these distortions, then where exactly is their relationship with us going in the future?

Conversely, if individuals have come to us with an openness to addressing their past distortions, with an intention to grow toward greater health, isn’t that one of the most exciting and most meaningful moments we can ever experience?

Paul A. Henny, DDS