Posted on April 14, 2013

                         

Bill Lockard, Jr., DDS

Contributing Writer 

 

I learned as
a child;

• No matter how hard you try,
  you can’t baptize a cat.
• Never hold a dust-buster
  and a cat at the same time.
• If your sister hits you,
  don’t hit her back. They always catch the 2^nd person.
• You can’t trust dogs to
  watch your food.

I learned as
an adult;

• Resist killing your
  teenagers, you will eventually get some terrific grandchildren.
• Marry your trophy wife
  first – it’s less expensive.
• Knowledge is knowing that a tomato is a fruit; Wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad.
• We never really grow up; we only learn how to act in public.

I learned
growing old;

• It is frustrating when you
  know all the answers and nobody bothers to ask you the questions. 
• You’re never too old to
  learn something stupid.
• A clear conscience is
  usually a sign of a bad memory.
• Nostalgia isn’t what it
  used to be.
• The voices in my head may
  not be real, but they have some good ideas.
• I used to be indecisive;
  now I’m just not sure.
• There are two theories to
  arguing with a woman; neither works.
• Take time to live – eat
  dessert first.
• Write your own eulogy.