Why Getting Clear Matters

Build your relationships first….then your dentistry. ~ Bob Barkley

Why Getting Clear Matters

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Bonnie Ware is a nurse who spent a decade counseling people who were dying. And over that time, she noticed that the most expressed regret was, “I wish I’d had the courage to live life true to myself, not the life others expected of me.”

In other words, most of them regretted not living life by their own philosophy, and they told Bonnie that they had paid a huge emotional price for doing this – in the form of a looming life regret.

On a professional level, we are confronted with this situation as well, particularly when we partner with insurance companies.

We often assume that our patients value their insurance coverage much more highly than they truly do.

We often assume that patients do not want to spend any personal money on maintaining or improving their health and appearance.

We assume that patients have no capacity to appreciate how we can help them.

But these are largely just stories in our heads, created out of fragments of previous negative experiences, which we then use to create a shorthand way of organizing our time, our day, and our professional life.

Why invest a lot of un-billable time with people when we expect them to fit within our shorthand world view? Why take the time to help others make better choices, when they don’t value what we have to offer very much any way?

If we never take the time to clarify what is important to us, and live like we believe it, then we end up chasing after what we think other people think. And that is a deep, dark rabbit hole full of distortions and rationalizations.

Great practices are built from the “inside-out”. They are built one brick at-a-time on top of a foundation of core values and then a living philosophy -not the other way around.

The murky, grey areas we find in the interpersonal space with our patients typically exist because we have not yet clarified what we believe, and what we are subsequently willing to stand for, against – and ultimately do.

And in the absence of a clarified practice philosophy and thus purpose, we tend to adopt systems and structures from others…the latest guru, consultant, or friend down the street. And those may or may not coincide with who we are inside -because they are based on someone else’s beliefs and philosophy. And when we run someone else’s systems it drains our practice of energy and enthusiasm, with the Law of the Least Common Denominator eventually ruling at the end of the day.

And a least-common-denominator lifestyle is almost always one filled with regret.

Paul A Henny, DDS

Thought Experiments LLC, ©2018

Read more at www.codiscovery.com

It’s All About Relationships

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Recent research in the social sciences confirms what we have always assumed, that longevity and happiness are not only linked to healthy lifestyles, but to habits of positive social engagement.

My mother would say “They are givers, not just takers”, and they also pass these attributes on to their children, because….well, that is who they are!

These folks buck today’s meta-trend of consuming more, contributing less, and living a silo-type of existence. And we meet them every day in our practices, love them, and feel tremendous loss when they finally pass.

They know a simple life secret, and share it in the wide open. That is, they know that contributing, no matter how simple it seems, allows them to derive a sense of self-worth out of life, and to pass it on.

And when you add up all of those small contributions, hour after hour, day after day, year after year, you end up with the smiling and joking Betty or Bob, and the one who is first to give you a hug when you have had a bad day or personal tragedy.

They alter the course of everyone’s life around them by bringing a laugh, a smile, strength, courage, and hope.

They are miracle makers.

Compare this now to what is happening to our culture and kids on a broad scale, as we spend increasingly more time-consuming more, contributing less, and feeling more and more empty along the way.

As health-centered / relationship-based dentists, we are in an increasingly unique position to listen, deeply care, and help others in the simplest or most complex ways. But it is only possible if we choose to do so…to see dentistry as being as much about feelings as it is about teeth and technology…and to personally act on this truth.

L. D. Pankey taught us this, Bob Barkley taught us this, so why are so many of us choosing not to heed this simple and critical secret to a long, happy life?

Eleanor Roosevelt said, “When you cease to make a contribution, you begin to die.”

And she was right.

Paul A Henny, DDS

Copyright © 2017. Thought Experiments, LLC.

Monday Mornings

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Alan G. Stern
Contributing Writer

So how are your Monday mornings?

Weekends are great, especially when we have the freedom to see patients from Monday through Thursday, as I have done for many years. For many, however, Monday mornings can be dreadful.

I’ve known so many people whose jobs brought them misery from 9-5 every day in exchange for a paycheck. Some are mired in corporate or government bureaucracy, living in fear of saying or doing things with good intent that violate some petty trivial rule.

I know people in retail who cannot stand the thought of facing customers and supervisors. I know people who are counting the days until they no longer have to go to work anymore. These good people live for Friday at 5 PM and dread the thought of the alarm going off on Monday morning.

Even my medical colleagues are conflicted and stressed to the point of getting sick and tired, pardon the pun.

We are lucky to be in dentistry. It offers both patients and practitioners choices. Those of us who understand the value- and risk- of a relationship centered practice and choose to live that kind of life can still look forward to
Monday morning after a pleasant weekend.

Those of us who realize that we can be part of a wellness care system, providing highly desirable and effective ELECTIVE services at reasonable fees under reasonable conditions may actually enjoy coming to work.

So let’s explore how to structure our lives to wake up and say TGIM (Thank Goodness it’s Monday)

Know yourself- What turns you on? What makes you happy? Is it the perfect round house? A cosmetic result that the AACD would ogle over? A certain income level? A material possession? Is it the love and gratitude of another human being? Or is it something else in dentistry that makes you excited? Find it, focus on it, and make your life more delightful as you help someone.

Never stop learning New techniques, skills, and knowledge are emerging at an explosive pace. Some may view the fact that our dental education rapidly becomes obsolete as frustrating. I view it as a sign of progress and an opportunity to provide better service and to become better. Continuing Education is mandatory in all states. It is necessary to compete in a tough marketplace. But it’s also an exciting opportunity to grow. The happiest dentists are the ones who never stop learning. So look for what’s new, latch on to something you like, and go!

Understand your power. No matter where you are in the spectrum of dentistry, you have the power to do a lot of good every minute you are in your office. Whether you work in a public health clinic, a retail office, or a comprehensive care practice, each soul you encounter is looking to you for something. Do it as best you can with the intent of improving something about each person. From the neediest patient to the assistant sitting next to you to the letter carrier who calls on you every day, you carry the title Doctor. Use the credibility you have to say something or do something good for people. Whether you’re filling a single tooth, placing an all on four prosthesis, complimenting your team on a job well done, or offering the letter carrier a word of thanks (or even a cup of coffee), act with the intent of making someone’s day. You’ll feel great!

Make money a non- issue in your life to the best of your ability . Sure, we all need to make a living at our jobs and we do need to take in more money than we spend. Many younger dentists also have what appears to be a daunting level of debt. And I’m certainly not telling people not to strive for the American dream and earn as much as possible. I am suggesting that we adjust our lives to depend on as little as possible so that we can truly enjoy and appreciate our added earnings as they increase over time. Try not to leverage yourself. Consult a competent fee for service financial adviser who can help you with life style issues as well as investment advice. Find an accountant who will spend time with you during the year. Remember that you are a doctor of dentistry. Financial advisers don’t place implants and- with rare exception- dentists cannot possibly have the credentials and experience to create a financial plan. Embrace the fact that you don’t know everything and find a great adviser. You’ll be wealthier and secure sooner.

Know what life is all about. Everything we do is about relationships. Think about it, our families, our friends, our team, our colleagues, and our patients are all people with whom we cultivate relationships every moment of every day. Do your best to cultivate great relationships with anyone who is importsant to you, including the person you see in the mirror.

Love yourself. Love yourself and everyone around you. Understand that you are not perfect, and never will be. The late, great Dr Henry Tanner put it best when he said, “ Excellence is great, but that perfection stuff will kill you” Look to be better tomorrow than you are today and you’ll be fine.

Forgive yourself for being human and be kind to yourself for doing your best for the betterment of others. And don’t forget to apply the same rule to your patients, your team, your spouse, your kids, and your friends.

Live healthy – Eat well. Exercise. Get enough sleep. And maintain a social network of like-minded people with whom you can share and enjoy your life. These are the principles outlined in Crowley and Lodge’s masterful work, Younger Next Year. It wouldn’t be a bad idea to pick up a copy, too!

Putting the right fuel in your body changes the way you look, feel, and think. Well selected supplements will increase your energy and keep you as healthy as possible. And an exercise program that’s goal oriented, safe, and effective works wonders. You do not have to deteriorate physically as you get older if you eat right and work out properly. And if your nutrition and exercise are not getting you the results you want, get some coaching from a good nutritionist and trainer. It’ll be the best investment you’ll ever make!

There are many more elements to building a rewarding career and life, but this is a good start. Please remember that you are in a profession which allows you to put your own unique stamp on someone else’s well-being. It allows you to learn what you want, make your own hours, and do what you like. And if you stay healthy, it allows you to practice as long as you wish.

I hope you’ll wake up next Monday morning after a terrific weekend, realize that you’re in a terrific profession, and say “TGIM!”. Your best days are ahead of you, no matter how old you are!

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