Posted on December 28, 2017

Bob Barkley commonly said that dentists who graduate from dental school tend to leave there with a combination of a superiority complex and paranoia. The superiority complex evolves because dental students are sheltered from seeing some of their clinical dentistry fail  (an issue Bob struggled through and which ultimately led him toward the creation of his legendary disease control program), and paranoia, because the world view that a young dentist acquires in school is so distorted (as an outcome of being free of the economic and psychological stressors of private practice), that when they finally do arrive in the private sector, they can easily become shell-shocked.

Bob’s comments were made in 1973, but there is still a lot of truth in his observations. Dentistry can be very frustrating, as well as financially and emotionally threating to dentists. Add to this that many patients experience dentistry in similar ways, and you can have a ‘perfect storm’.

At times, the ‘perfect storm’ requires some kind of adaptive response. And different dentists develop different coping strategies in trying to manage it. Some experience the pain associated with these frustrations, check their fears at the door, and grow past them to become masterful helpers and healers. Some retreat into self-protective cacoons full of rationalizations and blaming. Others leave the profession entirely as the mismatch between what they are experiencing and who they are at that point in time is too much for them to overcome. Some bury their pain in substance abuse or extreme  recreational distractions. And far too many take their lives during moments of total dispair.

Finding the balance between the pain of growth and the pleasure of accomplishment through a growing self-regard is key.

It was a favorite topic of L.D. Pankey, and it lead to a small revolution in dentistry.

Living with the constant anxiety that the practice of dentistry can produce, is to be constantly followed around by a little voice in your head. And that little voice knows all about your weaknesses; it knows all about your mistakes; and it knows just how to play with your insecurities and how to masterfully mobilize yourself against yourself.

That is not a good place to be, much-the-less live, day-in and day-out.

And that is not a good situation for your patients either.

One of the most common adaptations we make to these situations is to become a chronic people-pleaser.

We need to cover the A/R.

We need to make payroll.

We need to service the debt.

We need to make financial adjustments for the new baby at home.

So we smile and try to look our best at all times. We put on a facade that everything is always just fine.

We say, “I am doing great, how are you?” twenty times a day, while we think, “If I can just get through today, tomorrow might be better.”

We pretend that we know more than we know, while we pretend that we are more successful than we are.

We build up the walls, and then very cleverly learn how to function behind them -seemingly without detection.

But the intuitive ones know.

They can tell.

And we know that the wall is what is holding us back.

SO WE NEED TO STOP PLAYING PRETEND AT SOME POINT.

We need to find a way back to ourselves.

Because we need it.

Because our patients need it,

And because our spouses, kids and communities need it.

Developing a truly relationship-based / Health-centered practice is the best way that I know of to square that circle.

And that is because it helps us to align who we are with what we do.

And that feels good,

because others respond favorably to it.

And it promotes your growth, and that makes us more human, which makes us more effective helpers.

And truly serving others with our whole heart is the place where happiness and fulfillment lies.

Aristotle said so.

L.D. Pankey said so.

Bob Barkley said so.

And that is a good place to be.

Each of us has more wisdom inside of us than we can possibly know. And the trick to gaining access to that wisdom lies in quieting that anxious disempowering voice in the back of our heads, while pushing though our challenges toward growth and toward abundance.

Are you ready for 2018?

Paul A, Henny, DDS

Thought Experiments LLC, ©2017

Read more at www.codiscovery.com

 

Posted on December 14, 2017

I am not a big follower of Tony Robbins. He is a little too much circus for me – a little too much drama for the sake of emotional appeal. But recently, I bumped into a Robbins quote which was spot on, “Its not the events of our lives that shape us, but our beliefs as to what those events mean.”

As humans we are by design mentally lazy. We are preprogrammed to try and recognize patterns of behavior around us so that we can quickly categorize situations and therefore respond more efficiently – particularly when we perceive what is happening to be a threat to us on some level.

A large part of this mental strategy is mediated through stories that we tell ourselves. And they are commonly stories about what others think of us, why others do certain things, or what others REALLY meant when they said this, or did that.

Often times we craft these stories to help justify our agendas or to protect our self-esteem, “Mrs, Jones obviously does not care about her mouth, this is the second time she has canceled this big appointment… Today’s planned production is ruined! Now what am I going to do?”

These self-stories are an example of what Sigmund Freud called “projection”. They allow us to quickly attach meaning to what we are experiencing. Research shows that we like stories that make sense to us. We like stories which fulfill a recognizable pattern. And now the neuroscience even tells us that we get a hit of dopamine every time we recognize a familiar pattern – we are chemically rewarded, and this all has a lot to do with the way brain function evolved over time.

This is why we make up stories to explain bad or undesirable things which happen to us, even when we don’t really know the cause. These stories then prompt us to make adjustments, and to develop strategies where we to try and out-think others.

But there is a problem. People do not behave rationally much of the time; people are not rational beings who then feel, they are feeling beings who then think.

In truth, people are predictably unpredictable, so good luck with your counter strategies as they may just lead you to telling more stories, and creating more and more elaborate solutions, which then lead to more unpredictable outcomes, “Why don’t we send him a reminder text to at 5:00 AM?”

The most predictable pathway to more predictable behavior is through relationships – meaningful, helpful ones that is – from THEIR point of view. If a person FEELS that you sincerely care about them, If they FEEL that you sincerely have their best interests at heart, if they FEEL that your truly hear them, and that you understand their fear and you are willing protect them from harm -then you have a game, then you have influenced someone with principle-centered personal empowerment. And then you get to do “the big case”, because the person will be doing it for themselves and while feeling somewhat safe about it all.

So think about it … No, FEEL about it. Try to feel about it the way they feel about it,  and then tell them what you are doing, “Mrs. Jones, I am sensing that something is wrong, is there anything that I can help you with? Are there some unaddressed concerns that you have regarding what we have discussed? I really don’t want you to feel like we are pushing you toward doing something that does not yet make sense to you. We are really just trying to help.”

And hopefully you are.

Paul A Henny, DDS

Thought Experiments LLC, ©2017

Read more at www.codiscovery.com